So I have never seemed to feel the same as most people do about relationships.
I waited until I was 21 to have my first one.
I have always known on some level, that what most of us spend at least some of our lives seeking from a relationship, is not in actual fact always what a relationship will give us.
Maybe this is down to the fact that my parents divorced when I was a young child. Making it very clear to me from the age of 4 that sometimes relationships do not actually resemble a fairy tale.
In our youth it is far easier to find someone to spend time with, as that may be all you really want, and need at that time in your life.
As you get older, and develop into the person you are, you will realize that being in a romantic relationship with another person, may not make anything in your life automatically better, sometimes in fact they can make everything/somethings worse.
Therefore I have never really felt a strong need or want to be in a romantic relationship, and yet 11 years since I started dating, I have never really been without one.
After my latest ‘relationship’ ended/never really took off, I decided that after all these years it is time to take a deeper look at this whole relationship thing.
I have changed so much over these years, that it is no surprise that my approach to being in a relationship has also changed.
Though I never particularly searched for a relationship, I also never really turned one away when it seemed as though it was being offered by someone I liked.
Now, that I am going through a period of self discovery, I endeavor to really know someone else as a person, and friend, before I enter into a relationship.
Because you see, I got a little confused.
Before jumping in with both feet, I forgot to actually assess what I was jumping into.
What did I/they actually want?
Was I/ this person able to give what we want/need to each other?
These are all questions I am only now realizing need to be asked before the act of falling in love.
(Image from A Course in Miracles Facebook page)
Because what is love between two people really, if you are unable to make each other consistently happy?
Think about that last phrase a bit, really let it sink in.
No doubt some of you will feel that love is the be all, and end all of all relationships, and I agree. But love is not what we have been taught to think it is.
Love is not trying to keep together what should fall apart.
Love is not the same as abuse.
Love is not being so scared to be alone that you will be with anyone.
Love does not even require a relationship to exist.
So what really is the purpose of a relationship?
Certainly what we associate with the term true love should be a part of it, but there is more.
Of course there should be commitment, progression, support and all of that good stuff too.
However it is very clear to me now, that the relationships in our lives, act as mirrors. They show us who we are, what lessons we need to learn, and challenge us to be the best people we can be.
I actually think, they are here to help us to really understand what love of ourselves, and others is.
If like me you have had very difficult relationships, there comes a time hopefully that you will be able to see what they have taught you.
If you don’t quite manage to learn the lesson that a relationship is teaching you, rest assured that it will turn up in the next one. And the next one. And the next one, until you heed it.
Once you start to see what you are being taught, and make changes accordingly, you will notice that different relationships, with different types of people will start to turn up.
More fulfilling, and deeper connections will be made, because you have started to connect with yourself in a more authentic way.
This means that you can start to really experience your own particular brand of fairy tale, albeit a much more realistic version.
A version that takes into account what we have learnt, and gained from life.
What we truly need to be our best selves.
So, what is your current relationship trying to teach you? What did your last one teach you?
Can you use these lessons to improve the relationship you have with yourself first?
What ever you do, it will be reflected back to you.
Much love Txx