Becoming Who I Have Always Wanted To Be



(Poet – Archetype Cards by Caroline Myss)




A couple of weeks ago  I took a walk in the park as a writing break.


It was my favorite kind of weather to walk in, windy and dull, but warm, with specks of rain in the air.


Miserable enough for there to be hardly anyone around, but not too miserable as to get myself soaked to the bone.


(Catching a cold was not an option right then, had so much work to do!)


As I was walking through the park it dawned on me:


I am becoming exactly who I have always wanted to become.


Now bear with me, as that may seem like an odd thing to say.


Especially as who I have always wanted to be is very similar to who I was as a child.


Before heartache, and illness, and bereavement.


Before climbing the career ladder and copious amounts of studying.


The little girl that was deeply spiritual, spent all her days reading, and writing stories and lived a lot in her head.


That girl that had dreams of living a spiritual life, at one with spirit and the undercurrent that governs our world.


The girl that was super comfortable with being alone,  and so much more independent then you’d think, being the last of seven children.


I suppose I always felt that to be a grown up meant to be married, and have children.


I suppose I always saw that as the very definition of being an adult.


Walking around the park on that stormy day, I realized that being a grown up –  means becoming who you always wanted to become.


And I am very close to living the life I always wanted to live.


I can call myself a writer now with the credentials to back it up, though really all that has really changed is my confidence, and commitment to writing well.


I have wanted to be a writer since as long as I could remember. Yet it was something I never truly saw as a possibility.


I thought it was destined to be just a life long dream, something to be done after I had grown up.


To realize that I have created the very life that I have always wanted is the most liberating and fulfilling feeling.


But it was not easy.


For this dream to take shape I had to learn how to lose a lot of things.



I lost a parent, relationship and my health – all one after the other.


These events helped me to see that life really is too short to spend all of it on what you think you should do.


What society tells you to do.



So now I am here, looking at my life in all its wonderful oddity;  what I have achieved and how I have grown –  feeling like I am exactly where I should be.


Much love Txx

2 thoughts on “Becoming Who I Have Always Wanted To Be

  1. Wow! Yesterday as I was floating in the beautiful Caribbean sea I realised that now that I have turned 50 and, giving thanks to all the wonderful gifts that I have received/achieved in the last 30 of those 50 years that I have another 30 years or so to change who i am and choose to be to someone else for the rest of my life. This too is extremely liberating and gives me a warm tingly excited feeling inside. I feel blessed to be able to make some real conscious decisions on how I choose to live the rest if my life!!! Sam x

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