Feeling Defeated

(Ten of Swords – Rider Waite Smith Tarot)



Just a short post today, as Wednesday’s Full Moon, saw me end the day literally on my knees. (And belly)


After a long day full of work stress, MA work,  and the excitement of starting a Tarot course, a cash machine gobbled up my cash card (due to a machine fault/fraud attempt) and I was left having to walk home at 10pm crying on the phone to my mum.


It had all got too much.


I push myself a lot in life.


Sometimes life pushes back.


I’ve talked a lot these last few weeks about releasing the past in order to move forward.


The cash machine in this instance was my biggest teacher.


Surrendering to the lack of control I had in that moment, prompted an emotional meltdown about the lack of control I have in my life.


So much has happened to me, that I forget a lot of it was not of my choosing.


I did not want relationships to break down, or illness to strike. I didn’t want to be hurt or let down by others practically and emotionally.


I didn’t want to find myself at yet another crossroads.


So by the end of the day I was like the man pictured above: lying on the floor defeated.



Then I woke up with the sun, had one of my healing baths and travelled to Cardiff, the place that feels most like home to me.



I’m here for a few days of rest and loving support through friendship.



Have a beautiful weekend all. Keep your chin up if you are struggling, remember you are not alone.


I’ll try to remember that too.


Much love Txx

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