Feeling Defeated

(Ten of Swords – Rider Waite Smith Tarot)

 

 

Just a short post today, as Wednesday’s Full Moon, saw me end the day literally on my knees. (And belly)

 

After a long day full of work stress, MA work,  and the excitement of starting a Tarot course, a cash machine gobbled up my cash card (due to a machine fault/fraud attempt) and I was left having to walk home at 10pm crying on the phone to my mum.

 

It had all got too much.

 

I push myself a lot in life.

 

Sometimes life pushes back.

 

I’ve talked a lot these last few weeks about releasing the past in order to move forward.

 

The cash machine in this instance was my biggest teacher.

 

Surrendering to the lack of control I had in that moment, prompted an emotional meltdown about the lack of control I have in my life.

 

So much has happened to me, that I forget a lot of it was not of my choosing.

 

I did not want relationships to break down, or illness to strike. I didn’t want to be hurt or let down by others practically and emotionally.

 

I didn’t want to find myself at yet another crossroads.

 

So by the end of the day I was like the man pictured above: lying on the floor defeated.

 

 

Then I woke up with the sun, had one of my healing baths and travelled to Cardiff, the place that feels most like home to me.

 

 

I’m here for a few days of rest and loving support through friendship.

 

 

Have a beautiful weekend all. Keep your chin up if you are struggling, remember you are not alone.

 

I’ll try to remember that too.

 

Much love Txx

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