(Three of Swords, Rider Waite Smith Tarot)
Sadly for me, but lucky for you, how to get over this particular type of heartbreak is my expertise.
Its one thing when a relationship ends, and quite another thing when it ends and you have absolutely no closure.
I literally mean that you were not broken up with in person, or broken up with at all. The person just left, maybe with a written message and maybe not.
This advice can also be applied to when you were given that ‘final conversation’ but you knew full well, that the reasons given were not truthful, and it was never expanded on.
Understanding that you cannot control the way another person chooses to treat you is key.
Understanding also that sometimes good people do mean things is also important.
Many people do not like to confront difficult situations head on, and many people choose the ‘easy’ way out instead, sneaking away with no real or no explanation.
But where does this leave you?
If you are the one who has been left, and you are still struggling on your own as to the reasons why?
This is common
This situation happens to far more people than we realise. Very few people really understand why a relationship has come to an end.
When it happens to you, you may feel isolated and ashamed. Ashamed that someone did not even think enough of you to speak to you about it truthfully.
However, opening up to a trusted friend about what has happened, will confirm to you that this has probably happened to them too, or something similar.
They too would have had to let go of someone they did not want to.
They too would have felt powerless at some time.
A lot of relationships come to an end – this is normal.
Regardless of whether you receive ‘closure’ or not, the moving on work will have to come from you.
What is closure anyway?
Even if you did want the relationship to end, it is not going to feel good when it does.
So does it really make much of a difference to have that person there with you? Telling it to your face?
I have been broken up with both ways and I can tell you that it was easier to let go of the person who was decent enough to tell me to my face.
This was because it showed that he had respect for me, which helped me to maintain good feelings towards him. This in turn then helped me to respect his decision easier, and move on myself.
The key in that situation was that I was able to maintain good feelings towards him which conversely aided in getting over him.
When you are not given the respect of a heartfelt in-person conversation, you can very well start to resent a person, which can keep you stuck and unable to move on.
This is what closure really is – the ability to forgive a person.
This is made easier when that person breaks up with you in a respectful manner.
But good news!
Forgiveness does not need the other person’s input and so therefore neither does closure.
If you can forgive yourself for being with someone, and putting up with things that you should not have – you are on the path to closure.
Closure really does not have anything to do with the other person.
It is about you making peace with what has happened, in a way that enables you to move forward.
Once you have forgiven yourself, you will find it easier to forgive the other.
Remember though that this all takes time.
Give yourself time to heal.
I once read somewhere that it takes roughly the amount of time you were with someone divided in half in order to truly get over them.
That means if you were with someone for 3 years, it will take 1.5 years to truly get over them.
This is not popular advice to keep in mind. Many people do not want to wait and heal by themselves before re-entering the dating scene.
However, doing this is the only thing that has kept me emotionally intact.
Each time a relationship ends, and especially if it ends in this way, has the potential to stop you in your tracks and set back your personal development.
Allowing yourself to heal before you get back on the relationship track will set you up for a better relationship in the future.
I hope you have enjoyed this post, and that it helps you with dealing with heartbreak, in the past, right now, or in the future.
Much love Txx