When Did I Begin To Transform?


(The Swan, Wisdom of Avalon Deck, by Colette Baron Reid)

So this post is basically just for me to work out exactly when all this spiritual stuff truly started to become real for me.

I was writing a blog post about developing my mediumship ability and it just hit me how much has changed for me over the course of – what – 10 years?

It was around about 10 years ago that my father began to become seriously ill with a variety of severe illnesses.

I was 23 years old, had graduated from my first degree, and was in a relationship with a man I stayed with for 7 years.

I was So. Incredibly. Naïve.

I had no personal experience of death, illness and heartache.

Though there had been challenges in my childhood – my parents divorced when I was 4 – I seemed to be getting along just fine.

Going away to University as an 18 years old was eye opening to say the least, but I had a close group of friends who looked out for me, many of whom I am still good friends with today, and who I love dearly for their ability to really accept me as I continue to change and grow.

My first romantic relationship ended when I was 27, with a flurry of drama and emotional carnage for many people.

It has taken me all the years since, to really come to terms with some things I went through in that relationship, and the subsequent two relationships I embarked on pretty much straight after.

The sum total of these three romances took up 11 years of my life, and I emerged finally as a completely single person at the end of 2016.

By the end of these 11 years, my Dad had died, my mum had been diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease, and I had became seriously ill with Glandular Fever, so I had become well versed in the world of heartache, death and illness.

I can’t fully pinpoint which one of these events made me ‘wake up’ to my spiritual purpose. I actually believe it was a combination of all of them…and then some:


My first conscious encounter with the spirit world probably goes back to the very first time I visited Jamaica (where my mum was born) when I was nine years old.

To say I found the holiday a culture shock was an understatement – it made me physically ill. We ended up having to fly back even later than the 6 weeks we were out there because I became seriously ill with a stomach bug.

(Looking back, I experienced repeated bouts of illness all throughout my childhood – I understand now this is down to the fact that I absorb energy like a sponge. As a young child I had no idea how to control this, how to ground and protect myself, and so school, family, friends and just the outside world drained me repeatedly.)

In Jamaica, I maintain that the air is thick with magic, and I have been able to feel and know things when I get there, that logically I shouldn’t.

The second time I went back, I saw my first spirit/ghost.

This episode was not necessarily frightening, but just so unusual, that I believe I mentally set the intention that I did not want to actually ‘see’ spirits anymore – I was sixteen years old at this time.

Then when my father passed away, I experienced an influx of contact from him. (As did some of my other siblings.)

I had visitations from him in my dreams just after he died, but the first time I felt him physically visit me in my waking life, was when I was living on my own for the first time in Cardiff in 2015.

Still these were not defining moments that made me realise that I had a knack for the spiritual stuff. I totally believe every single one of us is capable of coming into contact with the spiritual world. I believe this is something innate inside each one of us. So I kind of just accepted these experiences as rare phenomena.

Meanwhile, after recovering from Glandular Fever, I understood that I needed to find some way to manage my life in order to stop the constant burnout I was experiencing. I began to attend regular Meditation retreats, and it was through meditation that I began to receive very strong guidance.

I was brought up a Catholic/Jehovah witness – yes a very conflicting combination! – I have naturally always felt drawn to the religious life, and ritual associated with it. I have read the Bible from front to back and like Dot Cotton from Eastenders can quote chunks of it if I want to!

However I have also always felt uncomfortable with the man-made element of religion, the corruption and distortion of power, and so stopped attending any kind of church regularly at the age of 18.

My relationship with what I call God has been powerful for as long as I can remember. I pray many times a day and this bond has got me through every challenge.

After regular meditation retreats, I began to hear God/Divine guidance crystal clear. Sometimes as an actual voice, more regularly at other times as a clear knowing. (Clairaudience and Clairsentience.)

It was this knowing that led me to Tarot Cards in the Spring/Summer of 2016 and since then my spiritual and psychic advancement has been swift and unceasing.

Looking back over all of this in this way, makes me realise that the transformation I have been through, though feeling accelerated at the moment, has been in the making pretty much my whole life – how remarkable is that?

It truly fascinates me how many people have had experiences with the spirit world, how when a relative dies they have felt them/seen them.

So the question is not so much :

“When did I transform?”

but rather

“When did I learn to curb my transformation?”

Are there parts of your life right now that are begging to be transformed?

Looking back is not always the answer, but it is useful to chart our journeys sometimes, especially at junctures of transformation, so we can understand better why we are facing current situations.

My journey has been one full of denial and avoidance of the worlds that live alongside our own, once I looked at this square in the eye (I’m still trying to!) My transformation truly began.

Much love always Txx

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