In my very first class on the Psychic Mediumship Development course I am taking, a reader identified that I have a hard time saying no.
She identified that many people take advantage of this difficulty I have, and that I am surrounded by people who latch on to me and drain me energetically.
Wow – well I knew this, but it was wonderful to receive confirmation, because now I can feel less bad about doing something about it.
I want to say no often.
Really I do.
A lot of the time.
But I also want to be nice, and I hate hurting others.
It is even harder for me to say no, when I am saying no to good things, like a night out, or an invitation to do something fun.
It is hard for others to understand why I might say no, for no other reason than I want to stay at home and have a bath.
I hate saying no, to doing certain things with someone, but then doing that very same thing with someone else.
But after I say no, and I am left with free time to do as I please, the joy I feel is unrivalled.
So how can I learn to say no more comfortably?
1.Say no outright
One of the most anxiety producing things I tend to do is say ‘yes’ in the moment and then have to find a way to back out of something I didn’t really want to say yes to in the first place!
So I endeavour to say ‘no’ outright, then if I change my mind later, I change my mind.
This can even be about getting comfortable with saying ‘I’ll let you know’ or ‘perhaps – give me some time to think about it.’
2. Stick by your values
I really value having time to myself. It is super important to my energy levels, and is a way in which I engage in self-care and self-love.
I remind myself of this when I am invited to do something and I have some hesitation.
I have also learnt to explain this honestly to people.
I simply say something like:
“I’ve been very busy lately, and I’m going to need some time to myself this weekend, so no thank you.”
You will be surprised by how the people who love and care for you will accept this effortlessly.
Be weary of anyone who questions this level of honesty – this is always about them, and how they handle being told no, or about how they view self-care.
3. Secret Time
Finally, something I have talked a lot about on this blog – I engage in regular secret time.
I simply block out my calendar to spend days out, all my myself.
So if someone wants me to do something on one of those days, I have learnt to say ‘no, I have a secret day planned.’
This usually shocks people into nodding and accepting!
If I am pushed, I shake my head and repeat ‘
It’s a secret!”
What I find this does is help people to respect my level of autonomy over my own life.
Sometimes it is important to remind people that giving a reason for a ‘no’ is an extra layer of respect.
So I hope this gives you a little bit of help the next time you want to say ‘no’ to a social occasion and don’t know how to.
Much love Txx