10 years ago today my father died.

I was only 25, young to lose a parent, though certainly not the youngest.

I look back now, and feel as if I were very little. I knew very little of death.

The funeral was imposing. Too large for me to really take in, the feelings spilled out of me while I stood in Church and read a passage from the Bible. 

I remember who I had around me on that day, a boyfriend who it was certainly not perfect with, but who was there. He cooked food for the wake, and helped prepare tables. He rubbed my shoulders when I needed his comfort. He took me home and was there to hug. 

Losing someone close to you brings your life into sharp focus.

Within two years I had broken up with that boyfriend for good, and begun the process of becoming who I came here to be. 

Nothing changes you quite like Death, and the minute my father took his last breath was the minute I knew what was important to me in life. 

Me.

My father dying rearranged my sight. 

He was never going to be able to do his life over, but I had time to do mine in the best way I possibly could. 

I moved cites, I made new friends, I experienced new loves, new levels of spiritual growth.

I became less and less afraid of being exactly who I am because, there is no one among us who knows exactly what time is left. 

My Daddy was a fun loving man, with the most wonderful smile and a spirit that pervades the realms.

I carry more of him inside of me than I consciously can know, and he carries me still.

 

 

Love you Daddy Txx