(the biscuits I didn’t need, but I baked to calm myself down!)
So this past week I recognised my blind spots
The things that I can’t usually see about myself until this new situation brought it to light.
I knew this would happen, I was waiting for it in fact.
I am used to getting quiet on retreat and feeling everything I have not been looking at quietly rise up into my awareness.
It’s like watching a part of myself unfold…
I am an emotional eater.
I have always loved to eat.
Those that know me in real life will know that!
In the last 5 years or so I have made a special effort to eat really healthy.
In this time of increased emotional stress I find myself craving sugar and thinking about food as a way to distract myself from my deeper emotions.
Though I have plenty of food in, and a well stocked supermarket down the road. I keep worrying over if I will be able to get my regular online delivery when I need it.
Let’s be clear, it is only me I have to feed!
I found myself baking biscuits late one night because:
a) I am gluten-free and my local supermarket only has a tiny selection.
b) I find the whole supermarket experience anxiety ridden at the best of times, much less now!
c) Baking calms me down 🙂
I am a flirt
Though I am no stranger to the single life, I have always known I have quite a flirty personality.
Now I find myself with no-one to flirt with!
No bus driver to smile at seductively.
No security guard to sing to me at random points in the day.
I’ve taken to flirting with myself in the mirror 🙂
I have doubts
On the last retreat I went on, New Year just gone, I spent some time in Meditation meeting with Doubt.
Doubt returned this week.
She came at me about my blog!
She was like:
“Who are you to start blogging everyday? Ain’t nobody want to read what you have to say!”
I reminded her that primarily I blog for me, and then for anyone who fancies reading it, whether that be one person or many people.
I reminded her that my voice deserves to be heard as much as anyone else’s.
I reminded her that it gives me joy – and as a human being, joy is my life force.
She shut up after that 🙂
Are you coming into contact with things you otherwise would try not to look at?
Welcome them in! Let them share your space.
Only good can come from observing your patterns and habits with no judgement.
Maybe you make peace with them, like I have.
Maybe you take it as a chance to make some real changes.
Much love Txx