Before the pandemic I was heartbroken over no longer having a certain man in my life.
A man who had maintained that he did not feel the same way that I felt about him.
Before the pandemic I was reeling from this.
It had been a year with what I felt was no closure and I still wrestled with the why.
Recently I went back to the physical library I work in.
It had been about 5 months since I had been there last.
We are preparing to open back up in a few weeks, and I had some things to sort out.
As I shelved musical scores, I realised that before the pandemic, during the mundane moments of my day, I would think of this man and the why.
Instead, on this day, I marvelled at how much the pandemic had moved my healing forward.
Whilst slotting Beethoven, Chopin and Vivaldi into the tightest of spaces, I found myself feeling grateful.
Grateful that I was back in my happy place.
Grateful that I have a job.
Grateful to see familiar faces around the building and know that they are grateful too.
“Is a strange healer of souls”
The above card is accompanied by the following write up in the guidebook:
“Heartbreak is a strange healer of souls. Our grief strips away our masks and loosens our tight hold on our separateness, where we view ourselves as “I” and the world as “it.” Loss allows us to see ourselves as part of a larger scheme, opening us up to sympathy, empathy, and dependence on the world in the moment when we can’t hold ourselves together. And it leads us to become one with the greater whole again. Pain and suffering is part of life, and none of us will be immune to it. Can you see this loss, this pain, this dissonance, as a way back to Source? Let your sorrow break your heart wide open. You will never be left behind. You are loved—now more than ever—by Spirit, who does not want you to feel alone. One day you will look back and know this truth.”
This heartbreak somehow created a deeper healing in me then I ever thought was possible.
In this way I wonder if the pandemic will do the same for all of us.
I suspect it will if we allow it.
Much love Txx