*

Today I was lying on my bed doing my physio exercises and thinking.

Thinking about how when I woke up from surgery, as well as hearing the words:

“Wounds clean and dry…”

I also heard the sound of my own voice humming.

I have been told by friends, I have lived or stayed with, that I spend a lot of my time humming around the house.

Hearing myself as I woke up from the anesthetic was a mixture of eerie and hilarious!

I was so incredibly happy to have woken up (I am sure the mixture of drugs in my system also led to this exhilaration) – humming was the natural conclusion.

I notice now, when I wake up each morning in my own bed, I also hum.

Each morning, I really do truly feel grateful to be alive. I have always felt this way as long as I can remember.

It occurs to me today, as I write this, that not everyone wakes up with this same feeling.

I know some people wake up from anesthetic laughing, crying or shivering. Sometimes accompanied with an instant feeling of sickness.

I wonder if the way we wake up from this enforced sleep says everything about how we are really feeling about life in general?

I am in awe that I wake up humming. In awe that I never noticed it before – and sad that some of the times I remember humming or singing around the house – I have been told to stop.

How are we constantly censoring ourselves?

In what ways do we stuff down our emotions, happy or sad?

Waking up after surgery with a hum in my throat taught me that whatever we try to hide – will escape from us regardless.

So why not be ourselves with abandon?

Much love Txx