Immediately after diagnosis I assumed I would need a mastectomy.
Grateful to learn this was not the case, I was still unprepared for how treatment to my breast would impact me.
After learning the lump was cancerous, I found it distressing to shower.
In the shower was when I had to touch it, and knowing what the lump was – made it feel like a hostile thing.
It’s hard when the hostility is located inside of you.
By the time surgery came around, I couldn’t wait to have it removed, even though I was terrified of going under.
Waking up and looking at my dressings for the first time was uneventful, the surgeon had done an amazing job!
As my skin broke down and wept due to radiotherapy, I tended to it extra carefully, and found myself unable to wear a bra or certain clothes.
Like most women, especially with larger breasts, I rely on bras for support and shape. Not being able to wear one honestly effected my self esteem.
I felt like I couldn’t move very fast when walking, and I had no idea how to dress in a way that felt flattering.
Then came last Saturday. For the first time I went out actually feeling happy not to wear a bra. It felt amazing and liberating.
I wore a dress (picture above), that before diagnosis, I probably would never have worn for fear that it showed too much.
It’s the kind of dress that you cannot wear a bra with, and in the past that is the very thing that would have stopped me from wearing it – last Saturday, it was the very thing that made me wear it!
I was no longer as bothered as I would usually be about showing too much, I figured that I was lucky to keep my breast, so why not flaunt it!
That sounds glib – but I mean it!
After all this, I have rediscovered my body.
Much love Txx