In recent weeks I have had three ‘going backs’.

I went back to my physical work building for the first time, and I went back to hospital for the first time after treatment finished. (I’ve now been formally discharged from active treatment – yay!) I also went back home for the first time in a year.

Going back to all of these places understandably caused a little anxiety, but for completely different reasons.

Going back into the building to work, I worried a little about seeing people who may not know why I was off.

Going back to the hospital after a couple of months, brought up old feelings of appointment anxiety that I started to experience after diagnosis. I never truly know what each appointment will hold.

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Going home, meant seeing family I’d not see since my life changed. How would I deal with seeing such familiar things and people, now that the way I see everything has shifted?

In the last couple of days, I’ve come to realise that going back in all of these ways was the key to moving forward.

I think it is that way for all of us somehow.

Can we really ever hope to live our future before we have closed out the things of the past?

The new moon reading, I recently posted, spoke of this very thing.

Closure, much like grief is not a linear thing. It is not found by simply pushing forward.

Closure requires multiple moments of looking back.

You know what its like, you think you are over something or someone, but your mind returns to it again and again.

I’m sure there is at least one person in your life you wish you could have gone back to, had that last conversation with…

I’m sure you are convinced this would help you to move forward – and actually yes – I think it would.

Going back in these three ways helped me gain some closure on what I have been through.

In turn this closure has allowed me to start moving forward.

Much love Txx